Old Age
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 12:12 am1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. (Foggy will like this one! .gif "LOL")
).
2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
3. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.
4. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to
change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much
better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
5. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
6. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
7. When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment.
Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
8. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
9. I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.
10. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
12. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to
someone I can't understand anyway?
13. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
14. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
what I went in there for.
"Success" is when you look back at your life, and the memories make you smile
).2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
3. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.
4. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to
change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much
better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
5. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
6. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
7. When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment.
Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
8. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
9. I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.
10. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
12. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to
someone I can't understand anyway?
13. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
14. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
what I went in there for.
"Success" is when you look back at your life, and the memories make you smile
.gif "Smile")
.gif "Big Grin")
.gif "MuHaHaHaHa")
.gif "Evil Grin")